Dispatches From the Europa Wars – III

Well, we’re all apocalyptic now. Here’s some Brexit fanfiction. (I can’t quite believe I just wrote that.)


The God-Emperor Watches All

Empire-Wide Public Announcement 13th September, 2034


Citizens of the Empire, vassals, serfs and functionaries of the Dominions of America, Greater Europe and the New Russian Republics, give your attention to the following:

London has been liberated.

In the early hours of this morning, the brave soldiers of the 9th Legion of Tomsk and Kemerovo under the command of Brigadier-General Vassily Subarov, ably assisted by two squadrons of VenOM mechanised jetsuits, defeated the last remnants of the European Unionist Expeditionary Force after fierce fighting around the main secessionist strongholds of Threadneedle Street and Canary Wharf. Elements of the 3rd Luxembourgian Light Infantry, along with a small detachment of De Gaulle Mark V transformatanks, had occupied the old Bank of England building in Threadneedle Street for the last few days, using the slow advance of the Imperial Liberation Army across the M25 exclusion zone to dig in and fortify their positions. The soldiers of the Empire, however, ably assisted by local Faragist guerrillas, overpowered them in a breathtaking display of tactical mastery and superior weaponry.

Please watch the following footage carefully, noting the glorious might of the Empire’s VenOM jetsuits in close and brutal combat with the Unionist foe. Note the devastating efficiency of VenOM flamespray and miniature missile technology. Note the craven cringing cowardice of the Luxembourgian troops as they attack our glorious heroes from below. Note the impregnability of the VenOM armour. Workers in the Ohio and Michigan manufactoria, the Empire salutes your skill and proficiency.

Around Canary Wharf, combat was protracted and difficult. Secessionists from the London Separatist Movement, along with their perfidious allies from the Dusseldorf, Birmingham and Liverpool so-called free militia, put up stern resistance, having mined the North Colonnade with CrushSpyke anti-personnel charges and established sniper and heavy machine gun points throughout the complex. The forces of the Empire were victorious, however, through determination, skill and the limited and entirely justified deployment of deuterium grenades. Footage of this glorious combat will shortly be made available via the ImpNet Pay Per View service. Expert commentary and analysis is available on the Gold upgrade channel. Please see your ImpNet service provider for further details.

Two of the leaders of the secessionist movement were captured alive and ritually disembowelled before the Imperial envoy to the Greater British Isles, the Duchess of Luton and First Lady of the Admiralty, Salacia Trump, the God-Emperor’s seventh and most decorated wife. Resplendent in platinum and chrome ceremonial armour inlaid with mother of pearl and adorned with gold filigree, her golden hair restrained by a slender and unassuming coronet of office, the Duchess received the tribute with great magnanimity, bestowing a number of small tokens of grace on watching vassals who cheered wildly.

The Duchess will stay in London for the next few days while the new governor of the city is chosen, confirmed and anointed. An official announcement as to his or her identity will be made over the next 48 hours.

Salacia Trump

Duchess of Luton and First Lady of the Admiralty, Salacia Trump in informal attire.

In response to the liberation of the Greater British Isles’ former capital city, the God-Emperor made the following proclamation, speaking from his hermetically-sealed sanctum at the apex of the tower that bears his name:

“Well, I gotta tell you, that was one tough fight. Very tough. But, you know what? We won! We always win! We keep on winning! Just like back in ’16. You know, they said it couldn’t be done, but we did it anyway. And again in ’20. The world was a tough place back then. Very tough. But we did it. And this today… this is a beautiful victory. I mean, just beautiful. Did you see those VenOM suits? Did you see them? Aren’t they great? Built here in America. Forget China. I’m telling you, America builds the best mechanised combat suits anywhere in the world and that’s a fact. Those are great suits. If it wasn’t for the implants I’d wear one myself but my doctor tells me I can’t because of the power differential. Maybe I will anyway one of these days, eh?  Heheh. Yeah.  But, no, London. I love London. I was there a few years ago. Lovely city. So much history. So much great history. And it’s terrible. Just terrible what the Europeans have done to it, but we’ll make it. We’ll make it great again. Because that’s what we do. London will be great again. That I can promise you. We’ll make it beautiful, and wonderful and just great.  Good night. Love you all!”